sigh, results are out... and i guess i deserve no worse....
With this i guess all my doors to redemption are now officially closed... i can kiss my dream of getting at least a second upper honors goodbye... what a way to start my morning with the word -- depressing.
looking back, i did try to work hard this time round, with the exception of letting my hair down after my first two papers... lost of momentum killed my last paper. But the most disappointing view to me is still the first two... din do even close to what i hoped to. I lost. Utterly lost...
In defeat, i spaced out. Its hard to even decide whether to comfort myself or to accept the pain of punishment. I felt like i have let everyone down, even myself... i have only felt pain each time i see my own results, and there are always times that i believe the pain of defeat will always make a man stronger. Naive. Foolish. I read too many mangas n watch too many animes, as if my life is run by chakra... A sudden tough reality in a field of competition, I feel lost and fear... there is no longer pride... just stinging pain.... I guess i just lost the chance to tell my kids how well i did in uni.... damn.... if only my dad did not tell me that!
sigh. It suddenly feels like i have been living on the edge of fear. Fear of losing, fear of self image, fear of datelines ... fear of failure. In defeat, all that is left is but a beating heart. I know i will surely remember this one for as long as i live on... For today, I know i lost to my own ego... and i lost, because i did not do enough to win...
Yes, there is no freaking way i am going to die this easily. If this is my hundred years then I pray that my story does not end here. In defeat, i will no longer hesitate or run. For all the regrets i harbor i will face them today and not tomorrow. To myself... sorry. For not being able to redeem this lost. Sorry. For being a foolish coward. and Sorry, for all the nonsense and bullshit during serious times....
I failed what i set out to achieve. I will remember this day.... For this, I pray for the wisdom to guide me on, for the courage to be me, and for the wind, to fuel my fighting spirit. This is just mighty frustrating, let me focus on what is important and kick some ass for a change!!!
4 comments:
wei dun so sad la. scaring me d.
maybe u can study post-grad and do well! =)
lol i juz had to blurt out this morning... am definitely better d =)
post grad? noway lah.... i studied enuff d... no more studying for exams for the nxt few years :P
its ok, dan, not to get great marks.. life isn't all about achieveing great marks and there will definitely be times when we don't meet our own expectations.. but, the good thing is we always get a chance to do better and you certainly haven't lost your chance to tell your kids how well you did.. you already do well when you aimed and try for the best.. =)
wtf man, this is juz an EXAM right?.....ok mebbe exams were important in high sch but here in uni they're nothing more than routine checkpoints we simply pass by....no one ever became successful by doing well at uni exams man....
think bout the stuff u excel at n r envied for...leadership, social competence, martial arts....gosh i wud gladly give up every single one of my good grades juz 2 hv some of those traits....u gonna make it big in the future man, one bad exam grade isnt gonna change that....
wat u SHOULD worry about is ur spare tyre cuz obesity is directly linked wif shortened life span hehehehehe
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