Joblessnesszz

Waking up to the zzzng-brnngs of our lovable, hardworking and considerate MPPP grass cutters on a Monday morning, I rubbed my eyes and realised something.... I have no work.

Going downstairs to flip the otherwise hardly touched daily Star, I look across the breakfast table only to see my brother's clogged up face which is apparently donned to avoid tuition... aah, I have no work!

Indeed, I have no work! I have officially started my 3 months holiday! Except that ofcourse now only 2 weeks remain. I yearn to make full use of every second of them, but still unexpected things offen occur in a time when I had plans to improve things. Perhaps I had allowed time to drift too long due to procrastinations and unsensitive thoughts, but it happened. I am demoted once more, from a member of the working force to the jobless, from a couple to best of friends...

Being jobless really does give me a lot of time on my hand to contemplate what i really want in an relationship. In my naivity, i thought that we had knew each other long enough to make things work, but through her words I finally realised how much disappointments I had caused when i misunderstood her expectations. Like wise there are also times where I quietly suffered as I tried to rough it out, thinking that thats what it takes in a relationship, thinking that both of us will come to an understanding somehow, hoping for a miracle and heck, naivity dries the deepest of wells.

Go on as friends. I had to admit that i had alot of trouble accepting this fact although i know its the best path for us... we need time to understand each other. Perhaps men are more unable to adjust to a change of status, as i experienced by rolling around my bed throughout a sleepless night. I know, clearer than before, not only about how much more she means to me but also about my priorities in life. While alot of people believe in smoothing things out together, i realised that i have a responsibility to hunt out my true self or else i will never be able to give her my all no matter how much i wanted to.

A change of status does not change my feelings. Bittersweet. Thats how i felt as i drove home from her place. Perhaps its not just friendship I want, I just want a cease fire period where both of us are given a chance to further understand each other without expectations nor pressure. To find the missing links in life, and to understand what we truely seek. I look forward to this new phase of life, its categoried "Its complicated" in friendster terms lolz, but i see it as a life changing experience.

Reflecting upon Leo Ku's song Ai4 De2 Tai4 Chi2 (Love thats too late), I wonder if our decision is the correct and better one. As Ghee puts it, theres no better path in life, all paths are the same and only our decisions can make a difference. Fate has brought us together, to face this challenge is our decision, I guess whats left is to follow through...

The zzzng-brnng has finally moved two blocks away and my brother's cramp inducing face is no longer seen around the house, gone to tuition i supposed. And me? Jobless as the recent sms from my colleague says : hv a nice 1 week holiday! Haihz, officially jobless indeed in all sense lolz. Nice holiday it is then, I guess i better get going to the gym, got a freaking tyre to puncture :))